The Broken Road

I lost my son...those are words that I never thought I would say. Like so many people I believed that my life would go a certain way. I had my fun during my early 20's, got a great job, found the love of my life, got married, started our family, and then I figured we would live happily ever after. That's how the story goes - right!?

Our wedding song was "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts. It was such a perfect song for us. Having experienced some difficult times in our lives, finding each other was truly a blessing.

The last 3 weeks have been the most devastating weeks of our lives. We have both gone through a range of emotions from deep sadness to extreme anger. So many questions with so little answers. But for some strange reason our wedding song keeps playing over and over again in my head. Before, I interpreted the song as life once being a broken road that with time becomes a smooth freeway but now I realized I had it all wrong. Life is filled with broken roads and major detours, detours that take you so far off the beaten path that you have no idea how you will ever get back on track. Losing Luke has been the biggest detour in my life. The road I was on with Luke was the happiest, most amazing journey I had ever been on and even though the journey took a huge detour I have to believe that God blessed that broken road.

When Luke died a part of me died too. It is a piece I will never get back, I know that. But I am determined to honor my son, not drown in my sorrows. I was blessed to have him for 22 weeks and that is a blessing I will FOREVER be grateful for. Someone once told me that you will never know what true love is until you hold your child for the first time. I have never known love or sadness like I have for my son. As hard as this time may be, so much of me feels so blessed. I had a beautiful baby boy that looked just like his daddy, who had my nose, and his Uncle Robert's long fingers and toes. He was the most beautiful angel, a true blessing from God.

If you chose to read this, please don't be sad for me. Yes, the pain is gut-wrenching and some days I do wonder how I will pick up the pieces, but you should know that I feel that I am one lucky person - God chose me to be Luke's mom.