Sunday, January 10, 2010

Miss MIA

Busy - that pretty much sums up the last month or so of our lives. It has been busy in the Turnage household!! It all started with the holidays (which is a pretty busy time for us anyway). We found out in early December that our offer was excepted on a house and that it would close in 10 days. So yes, that meant we move the day after Christmas!! It was crazy and chaotic, but so exciting at the same time.

A few days after we moved in we had a going away party for my brother would left for Iraq....a sad issue for me but I am living in denial about it while he is gone. Then the very next day after his party we left for Las Vegas for New Years. It was a blast but when we can home I felt like I needed a year long vacation!! So needless to say, it has been real busy for us. Plus, we just got our internet hocked up again. It was weird being so disconnected ,but in a way it was also really good for me to focus my energy in other areas. So those are my reasons for being absent lately.

So 2010, is it really here? I was trying really hard the other day to think about what we did last year for New Years and I remembered that we had gone to Tahoe with some friends and had a really nice, relaxing time. If only then I had known what this year would have instore for us.

So most of our house is unpacked. It's funny how similar my husband and I are when it comes to getting things done. We both wanted everything moved in, unpacked with pictures hanging on the walls within a few days of getting the keys, and I have to say that we pretty much accomplished that.

The move has brought on new things to look forward to and yet there is still so much grieving. The grieving has taken on a new face. Its not as gut wrenching and for the most part I can better sense when it is coming on. It doesn't seem to creep up out of nowhere like it used to. Like when I am standing in line at the grocery store, or when I am driving. Innocently doing my own thing and BOOM - rainfall of tears.

Unpacking Luke's boxes were the hardest, or the lack of unpacking I should say. Our home has four bedrooms and a loft and Luke's is the only room that is empty. Other than the things I had gotten at my baby shower, or the things that I had picked up during my pregnancy, the room is empty. Rob and I leave the door closed. We say that its because we want to "conserve the heat" but there are three other doors upstairs that we never close. It just something we are choosing to not deal with right now.

This move is supposed to be the start of a new chapter and we are doing whatever we can to look at this new year with a bright, hopeful outlook. Closing Luke's door allows up to not hurt so bad. Having it open reminds us that were is no baby in that room. If the door remains closed we aren't reminded that its not filled with his bed, all his clothes, and his sweet smell. But by having the door there it reminds us that there is a bedroom on the other side that one day will be filled.

So enough of the sadness, it is time for new beginnings. Instead of making a new years resolution I have decided to give myself a break and just live. So here's to new beginnings!! I hope and pray its a better one for us all!!

What an angel looks like...