Rob and I are trying to get pregnant. This time it has been very different for us. With Luke we got pregnant the first month, without even trying or thinking about it. We were so different then. It has only been a year since we got pregnant with Luke but it feels like centuries ago. I was trying to remember what life was like before I knew that babies - my baby - could die. I remember last year before we got pregnant that the only concern I had was that getting pregnant could take 6-12 months since I had been on the pill for so long and that I would have to practice a little patience (oh, to be that naive again!!).
We have been trying since January and so far nothing. My cycle has been pretty normal, every 27-30 days. I am sure that a lot of it has to do with...well, everything. Physically I have no reason to believe that we are unable to get pregnant. But emotionally things will never be the same.
I do look at being pregnant as a new beginning. The rainbow we have so been longing for but never again will I feel the way I did before we lost Luke. The innocence will forever be gone. And maybe that is okay, but sometimes I would like for just a moment to experience living without the knot in my throat, the ache in my heart.
My biggest concern about posting this was that it makes it all real. Its like if I said it out loud than it means it is no longer just in my thoughts. We are really trying to have a baby. My decision to post this was because - in all honesty - I need all the prayers and support I can get. It's not going to be an easy journey for us, but I hope and pray that with the love and support I have received thus far I will be able to get through it.
Since we have had no luck the last few months I have started tracking my ovulation, which by the way is quite a science. I am hopeful that this will give me a better understating of my cycle. Only time will tell, please keep us in your prayers.
Oh and by the way - my husband is not ovulating today!! :) What?! I had to make sure these little sticks work!! :)
Wishing you all the best and for a BFP very soon! xx
ReplyDeleteWell congrats on trying again!! That is a big step to take and it will result in a baby sooner or later! ;) I just wanted to share that it took me 9 months to get pregnant with each of my children. Each time I ended up getting pregnant on vacation. SO...DON'T LOSE HOPE JUST YET...
ReplyDeleteJeremiah. 1:5. Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.
God knows this next baby.....and he/she is going to be so special!!!
I wish you the best in TTC. It can be a rough road! It took 3 months to get pregnant with my daughter Kyndra (that felt like forever at the time) and 1 month with Carleigh. This time however it took us 9 months. I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me and I was getting so frustrated. I finally just had to let it go and not stress so much about it and wouldn't you know....I ended up pregnant. That seems to be a theme with me.
ReplyDeleteI do def wish that I could be naive again. It just isn't the same after losing your child. More worries and fears b/c you know of all the horrible things that can go wrong.
I am so happy for you guys! I know it must be a roller coaster of emotions for you!
ReplyDeleteI too long for the days of "innocence". O how I miss that. The heavy weight we carry around is so tiring & can feel too much at times. I am glad you are here so you can recieve support here.
Good luck! Keep us updated.
Like what others have said...it will happen. I love you and send all my ttc vibes down to you.
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