My Lil Rainbow

We're expecting. A few words I still have a hard time fully grasping. We found out a little over two weeks ago that we were pregnant again. I truly believed that the stick would show a negative result again like it had the last few months. I was prepared for the negative results so when it immediately turned positive, I just stood there, staring at it for what felt like days. Could it really be? I was not prepared for it to be positive. Within a few moments I started crying. I wasn't sad, I wasn't scared, just overwhelmed and the tears just flowed. I was definitely happy but the shock was not allowing me to comprehend what was happening at that moment. Rob wasn't home (again, me thinking "why should he need to be here? It's just going to be negative again") and as soon as he walked in the door I just threw the stick in his face. I couldn't find the words to say, I just stared at him. As always, Rob always finds the right things to say or do. He hugged me and told me he loved me. I knew at that moment that everything was going to be okay.

I have debated over the last week or so if I should put this post on Luke's page or not for a variety of reasons. One, I still want to keep this Luke's place. I want this to be a place were a mother and son can connect, just the two of us. I am going to be tracing most of my pregnancy on our other blog page http://turnagefamily052408.blogspot.com/.

Another reason I was hesitant was because its so early on and the fear of miscarriage is always there. But, I have been feeling really good except for a few bouts of morning sickness and sleeping like a teenager going through puberty. All in all I think things are progressing pretty well.

The most important reason why I didn't want to post our pregnancy here was because I wanted to respect the feeling of other mommies who are anxiously waiting for their rainbow babies. Trust me, I have been there. I remember looking on other blogs and trying to calculate when it was that other mommies were getting pregnant after their loss. Four months, five months was when it seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant and here I was going on nine months after Luke and still not pregnant. If you are reading this and are waiting for your precious little rainbow please believe me when I say that it will happen. I kept telling myself that there must be something wrong with me or maybe there was something wrong with Rob. I was beating myself up. I finally just Let Go, and Let God. It may sound cheesy or unrealistic but that is exactly what I did. I washed myself of the stress and anxiety I was putting on myself and handed it over to Him. I knew that I could no longer do it on my own and in the end He was in charge, He always has been and always will be. I pray for you if you are trying to conceive again. It can be a long and very emotional process especially after the road you have already traveled. Please don't give up hope because I truly believe that there is a rainbow on the horizon for you too....just let go and have a little faith.